Other lives.

Today, I've came up with an idea that if we do reincarnate (or something like that), I probably lived before and it was someplace in southern USA. You may laugh now, but there are so many connections, like my favorite writer is Truman Capote (born in New Orleans, Louisiana), or director whose sensibility I adore is Tom Ford (born in Austin, Texas). When I went to primary school I binge watched TV series Dr. Quinn. And western movies since always have given me this feeling of Sunday afternoon, when you're just relaxed, past lunch and absolutely blissful. Please don't get me wrong, the racism issue and that kind of stuff bothers me a lot, I take the floor when inequality happens, and so it doesn't make it less possible. 

Call me nuts, but I've been thinking about it and seriously, who knows? Maybe I was Remedios Varo in previous life? I love art, surrealism is nested in my heart and she was Spanish - which suits me in a way, as I feel strong connection to european culture. And Mexico is near to southern US. It simply fits! (and besides I'd really love to own some cowboy boots - perfectly deep chocolate color, in suede) 

Anyway, to get a bit more serious (and I strongly doubt I can today, but let's give it a try), it's just a marvelous idea! What if we don't live just once? And getting more deliberate - we can get a few lives during one lifetime. Knotty thoughts, but I'll try to make it clear.

                                            

Remedios Varo, La lección de Anatomía, 1935, https://www.remedios-varo.com/decada-1930/la-lecondanatomie-1935/

We can build in our worlds as many stories as we can, or dare. The thing is that many of us don't have the courage or give up on it, because it's just too late. Too late to learn Italian, play piano, move to France, break up or fall in love again.

It saddens me how people confine themselves 'just because'. We don't know how much time we have left, maybe it's a couple of days, years, or maybe we reincarnate in different realities, times and I'm getting back to my dazzling imagination and visions of Mexico, so let's get back on track. 

I always think about it, when listening to my playlist on Spotify, to be frank. There are songs which are 'mine' - I found them, liked them and here they are. It's a story of when I was depressed, happy, madly in love, sorrowful, lost, or just fine. There are also melodies my best friend sent me and whenever I hear them I think of her. It's the same with my love, or other friends, but I needed to point out my bestie, cause when it comes to the music she's my perfectly matched soulmate.

Besides, there are the songs, which are remains of people who no longer stick with my life. Ex-boyfriends, or guys I went out with for some time. Whenever I hear them it feels like stepping into dimension of recollection, because unlike friends they left/or I left them. They're my past, my previous lives. And I wonder, how someone else would have acted in situations I'd been to? How many variations of this story could have happened? I felt exactly this way, when I was reading Conversations with my friends by Sally Rooney (great book btw, totally worth reading!). As if someone was in the same position, but acted otherwise. We had almost nothing in common, but we both got the same place, why? Maybe it's only be, but I find it alluring. 

And just like that, we can never actually know how it is with other people's life decisions. It's impossible to judge and decide for someone what's best. I can say I'm contented where I am now with all of my choices, looking forward to future with this lovely hunch I've lived before as Remedies Varo or not. I really need to check out all of surrealist painters from last century.