„Fuck off" - women's protests in Poland. I wish I could abort my government.

I didn't expect myself to write a new post today. I've just published the one about David Attenborough movie and I tried my very best to focus on writing theater review I'm supposed to. However, it is simply impossible, when historical and atrocious things happen.

On 22nd of October Constitutional Tribunal in my country (Poland) restricted abortion law. It is now impossible to get an abortion even if there are major damages of the fetus; termination of pregnancy will only be allowed in cases of rape or incest, or if the mother's health is at risk. And just today I've read that 'pro-life- activist Kaja Godek said in an interview that she'll now fight for no abortion in case of rape, as it's not child's fault to be conceived by rapist. It is so disgusting, I find no words to comment on such lack of empathy and thinking.

For a few days now, there's been protests all around Poland and even in bigger cities in Europe. I reached the point of inertia - I have no words left to speak. I feel powerless and no words are accurate to describe how harmed I am. I just couldn't make myself and go. I'd attended almost every black protest there'd been. It is so sad there actually were so many. Like it's a routine, 'daily basis' kind of thing. Led to extreme places of my endurance I frequently cried out of fury. Now, I'm close to being numb out of pain. What else can I feel, still being pushed to the new boundaries of cruelty I'm treated with?

I wrote some time ago an article for Europe&me 'Poland: are you still my country?'. It was related to persecution of LGBT+ people before presidential elections. This question pops up in me head insistently. When the government takes no care of the citizens, when the laws make us feel defenseless, when citizens need to protest on the streets in times of pandemic and finally, when catholic church has growing impact on every aspect of living here - can I call this place mine?

All I can see it's fury among the people now. To some point, it is motivating - makes me feel like united we can actually make a change. However, at the same time agitation leads people to harm. I've seen some comments of girls attacking girls for not participating in the protests, Instagirls with many followers, who post hair styling products acting like nothing has happened and how they are shamed by other women for doing so. And I don't know what to think. Mostly, it just saddens me. How harmful can we get - either attacking one another, or not caring about fundamental human rights? Where is the womanhood? 

There are words of Maria Janion (polish historian of literature, ideas and imagination and literary critic specializing in the history of Polish and European romanticism) from Letter to Culture Congress:

„A nation that cannot exist without suffering must inflict suffering on itself. Hence the shocking sadistic fantasies about forcing women to bear half-dead children [...]" 

Maria Janion, 2016

She wrote about polish messianism and its state-clerical version as our curse. Maria Janion had hopes for  restorative vision of our country and we can find them in Olga Tokarczuk's book Księgi Jabubowe (english translation will be available next year).

„I am convinced that the opening of collective memory, the transformation of mourning into empathy, rejection of "pre-critical consent to the technicization of the humanities" - this is work with children, with young people that must and will take place in these difficult years to come." 

Maria Janion, 2016

I need the time to regain my strength and find (redefine) my identity as a Pole. I hope with books of great women like Maria Janion and Olga Tokarczuk it would get a little easier.